We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
