I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize