Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
