you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
