I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
