The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
