oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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