And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
