i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
