Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
