And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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