She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
