Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
