Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize