There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
