She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
