And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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