Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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