I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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