I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
