my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
