you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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