hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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