You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
