I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
