what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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