The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.