She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.