I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.