nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.