Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving