Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's the barista slut.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
