I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
