Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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