birth control should be required to get into college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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