Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize