Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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