No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
