you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
