Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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