I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
