Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
