just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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