just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
