Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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