I want to walk on stilts...naked
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
