I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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