i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
