a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
