I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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