I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
