Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
