the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
