This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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