Please, let me fuck your mom
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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