I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He shit in the fireplace
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
