i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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