Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
