i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
