I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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