Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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