Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
