She announced her abortion via fbk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
