I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
