you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
