Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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