I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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